Who Am I? On Trauma And Self Identity | Ep 261

Who are you beyond the consequences of your past? Trauma and self identity are inextricably interconnected - you became what you needed to become to survive.

These defense mechanisms saved you, but now you are left wondering who you are outside of them. Your interests, beliefs, desires, and goals are shaped by how you managed the past. Thus you may begin to wonder who you are.

This lack of knowing can be crippling and it is the topic of this episode.

Links mentioned:
- Internal Family Systems Books
- Dear Little Part Of Me - Poem

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How To Help Someone Who Is Being Triggered And Opening Up About Their Trauma | Ep 260

Here is what to do when someone is being triggered and opening up about their trauma - or at least what works for me:

1: Make Sure They Are Safe - out of danger to and from themself and to and from others/the environment.

2: Make Sure You Are Safe - physically, emotionally and spiritually available, capable and able to helping the person without being overwhelmed or triggered, or at least only to an acceptable level.

3: Ground Them In The Present Moment - this will help stop them from being triggered, get them to focus on what they can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. Help them to slow down the breathing and heart rate and get them what they need: food, water, clothing, comfort items, medication, shelter etc.

4: Practice Unconditional Positive Regard - Hold space for their truth, even if it doesn’t makes sense to you, or seems objectively ‘incorrect’, in that moment, it is their truth. Be a loving and accepting mirror. Their feelings are their feelings in that moment. And realise that if they’re triggered, they are quite literally biochemically structurally back in that past trauma.

5: Listen & Offer
- Hear them out and if appropriate and only if you are willing, offer what you can do to help.

6: End With A Promise
- have them promise that they will reach out to you (or someone specific) if they are at risk or if the triggers and flashbacks return.

7: Follow Up
- Tell them that you are going to follow up and do so. This shows you care and are extending the care into the future, reinforcing their promise.

8: Self Care
- Practice self care and ensure your own ongoing physical, psychological, and spiritual safety and wellbeing.

Read next:
- Blackness - Chapter from Under The Influence
- Guard Your Mental State At All Costs - Blog
- Create A Crisis Plan - It May Save Your Life
- Poetry From A Dark Night Of The Soul - Book

Want to work with me? Click here!

My Annual F*ck Christmas Podcast Episode | Ep 259

It’s time once again for my annual Fuck Christmas podcast.

For some, the festive season is the opposite of fun - full of triggers and trauma and overwhelm and the forced obligation to spend time with the people and in places that caused you the most pain.

It is a time when substance abuse, self harm and suicide significantly rise.

It is a time we’re loneliness amplified and that all two familiar mask must be put back on in order to save face, and ultimately to save yourself.

In this episode, I talk about the importance of saying no when you need to, and yes when you want to.

I share a depth of the impact of my own trauma, and aspects that come with healing - particularly around Christmas. I share a story of attempting to explain my past and my pain - only to have it thrown back at myself as I was victim blamed, and thus no longer feeling safe around that person - which is brought up once again at this time of year.

This is not an easy episode, and I want to give a massive trigger warning.

But if you’ve read this far, and if you follow me, the episode will probably bring some solace or at least will help you to not feel so alone with the darkness this seems to get amplified by Santa’s sleigh.

- Blackness - Chapter from Under The Influence
- Guard Your Mental State At All Costs - Blog
- Poetry From A Dark Night Of The Soul - Book

Want to work with me? Click here.

Overcoming Poverty Mindset | Ep 258

Tendrils of the past manifest in the present and will continue to impact you into the future unless you take action.

In this episode I discus the process of to identify and overcoming poverty mindset and other limiting beliefs.

Sharing the story of moving out of home at 16, surviving of charity and government handouts, to thriving both personally and financially, whilst being able to ask for and offer products and services at rates that back then I could never have imagined possible.

- Free Shadow Work Journal PDF
- How To Get Your Sh!t Together
- Coaching, Mentoring, & Intuitive Guidance
- Immersion Intensive

Anger Turned Inwards | Ep 257

Anger is a useful inner tool to keep us safe and living a life of purpose - only if it is embraced as an ally not a danger.

Unfortunately, for some, our childhoods cause us to fear our own anger - rather than using to utilise it appropriately, we instead repress it and turn it inwards, with catastrophic consequences.

In this episode I share how I have been afraid of my anger and how I am learning to reconnect and integrate it.

- Free Shadow Work Journal PDF
- Hunt Your Own Shadow - 12 Week Self-Paced Course
- Curious about coaching? Book a session.

How To Break The Cycle | Ep 256

Are we doomed to repeat our past? To inflict upon our children what was inflicted upon us? If we are a product of our genetics intersecting with our environment, how can we break the cycle once and for all?

In this episode I story of my past and why that has led me to give away all 17 of my books for free.

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What I Learnt On A 10 Day Silent Retreat | Ep 255

No talking. No writing. No touching. Just 10+ hours a day meditating for 10 days straight…

In this episode I share my experiences on a 10 day silent retreat at Dhamma Aloka, under the instruction of S. N. Goenka where I learnt the technique of Vipassana meditation. Here I share the lessons learnt, the insights acquired, and give my analysis of the experience.

Simply put, it was one of the most profound (and painful) experiences of my life.

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TMS Saved My Life After Antidepressants Almost Ended It | Ep 254

What do you do when you are genetically predisposed to have negative reactions to antidepressants, have lost your job, have had little success with talking therapies, and have not yet processed the trauma of the past?

Answer: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)

This episode is a collaboration with Dr Jenelle Tupek, director and founder of Balanced Membranes Heath Education, and the host of the Rewriting The Script podcast.

Jenelle interviews me, discussing my experiences with how TMS saved my life and my mental health journey in general - we talk about the nature of mental health treatments and the different options available.

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The Value Of Silence | Ep 253

What is scarier: sitting in silence or the fact that you are afraid to sit in silence?

In this episode I discuss how technology has granted us the ability to endlessly occupy the space that was once filled with silence. The benefits of which are obvious: education, entertainment, content and connection - but at what cost? What do we lose by blocking off access to such a fundamental aspect of the human condition? What is the value of silence?

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